80+ Dirty Christmas Jokes That’ll Put You On Santa’s Naughty List
Prepare to deck the halls with laughter and mischief as we dive into a collection of 60+ Dirty Christmas Jokes to put you on Santa’s naughty list. ‘Tis the season to indulge in some humor that’s a bit cheekier, a tad racy, and not meant for the faint of heart. These jokes are like the naughty little elves of holiday humor, guaranteed to raise eyebrows and draw hearty laughter.
So, if you’re ready to add a bit of spice to your festive gatherings and share a laugh that might make Santa blush, join us on this jolly journey through a selection of Christmas jests that are sure to bring a mischievous twinkle to your holiday season!
Funny Dirty Christmas Jokes to Keep the Season Merry & Mischievous
Now, it’s time for short but still funny Christmas jokes to question your loved ones! These clever and light-hearted jests are your ticket to a mirthful holiday experience. They are a great choice if you don’t want to tell a short story to make your family members/lover laugh out loud!
1. Question: What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
Answer: An abdominal snowman!
2. Question: What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite!
3. Question: Why did the ornament go to school?
Answer: To get a little “tree”-education!
4. Question: What do you get if you cross a snowman and a dog?
Answer: Frostbite!
5. Question: How do you know when Santa is in the room?
Answer: You can sense his presents!
6. Question: What do you call a snowman party?
Answer: An “icicle” get-together!
7. Question: What do you call a reindeer that tells jokes?
Answer: A “comed-deer”!
8. Question: What did the gingerbread cookie use to fix its house?
Answer: Icing and gumdrops!
9. Question: How does a snowman get around?
Answer: By riding an “icicle”!
10. Question: What do you call a snowman with a sunburn?
Answer: A puddle!
11. Question: Why was the math book sad during the holidays?
Answer: Because it had too many problems to solve before Christmas!
12. Question: What did one Christmas tree say to the other Christmas tree?
Answer: “You’re so sappy!”
13. Question: How did the gingerbread man repair his house?
Answer: He used icing and gumdrops as bricks and frosting as mortar. It was a sweet fixer-upper!
14. Question: Why did the ornament go to therapy?
Answer: It had too many issues to hang onto and needed to find inner peace!
15. Question: What’s the best Christmas gift for someone who has everything?
Answer: A calendar because they’re running out of time to use all that stuff!
16. Question: Why did the Christmas turkey sit in the corner of the table?
Answer: Because it wanted to be the center of attention at the holiday feast!
17. Question: How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited?
Answer: He uses a Yule Log spreadsheet!
18. Question: Why did the snowman call a lawyer?
Answer: Because he was being threatened with a meltdown!
19. Question: What do you call a reindeer who tells jokes at the North Pole?
Answer: A “comet”-dian!
20. Question: How do snowmen greet each other?
Answer: They say, “Ice to meet you!”
21. Question: What do you call a snowman with a temper?
Answer: Frost-bitten!
22. Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite!
23. Question: What’s the most popular Christmas wine?
Answer: “I don’t like Brussels sprouts!”
24. Question: How do you know if Santa Claus is a good singer?
Answer: You can hear him “sleigh” those high notes!
25. Question: What did the gingerbread man use to fix his house?
Answer: Icing and gumdrops—it was a sweet renovation!
26. Question: Why did Santa go to music school?
Answer: Because he wanted to improve his “wrap” skills!
27. Question: What do you call a snowman party?
Answer: An “icicle” gathering!
28. Question: What do you get if you cross a snowman and a dog?
Answer: Frostbite!
29. Question: Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
Answer: It needed a trim!
30. Question: How does a snowman get around?
Answer: By riding an “icicle”!
31. Question: Why was the math book sad during the holidays?
Answer: Because it had too many problems to solve before Christmas!
32. Question: What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite!
33. Question: What’s the most popular Christmas wine?
Answer: “I don’t like Brussels sprouts!”
34. Question: How do you know if Santa Claus is a good singer?
Answer: You can hear him “sleigh” those high notes!
35. Question: What did the gingerbread man use to fix his house?
Answer: Icing and gumdrops—it was a sweet renovation!
36. Question: Why did Santa go to a bank?
Answer: To get his “sleigh” account!
37. Question: Why did Santa go to music school?
Answer: Because he wanted to improve his “wrap” skills!
38. Question: What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite!
39. Question: What’s the most popular Christmas wine?
Answer: “I don’t like Brussels sprouts!”
40. Question: How do you know if Santa Claus is a good singer?
Answer: You can hear him “sleigh” those high notes!
41. Question: What did the gingerbread man use to fix his house?
Answer: Icing and gumdrops—it was a sweet renovation!
42. Question: Why did Santa go to a bank?
Answer: To get his “sleigh” account!
43. Question: What do you call a snowman party?
Answer: An “icicle” gathering!
44. Question: What do you get if you cross a snowman and a dog?
Answer: Frostbite!
45. Question: Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
Answer: It needed a trim!
46. Question: How does a snowman get around?
Answer: By riding an “icicle”!
47. Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes and ice crispies!
48. Question: What did one ornament say to the other ornament?
Answer: “I like hanging out with you!”
49. Question: What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
Answer: An abdominal snowman!
50. Question: What do you call a snowman in the summer?
Answer: A puddle!
51. Question: Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
Answer: He was picking his nose!
53. Question: What’s a snowman’s favorite cereal?
Answer: Frosted Flakes!
54. Question: Why was the math book sad during the holidays?
Answer: Because it had too many problems to solve before Christmas!
55. Question: What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite!
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28 Dirty Christmas Jokes Pick Up Lines Will Make You Laugh
56. Are you a snowman? Because I want to stick my carrot in your face.
57. Hey girl, why don’t you be history, and I’ll be Rudolph.
58. Are you the Heatmiser? Because, girl, you’re too much.
59. Are you a dreidel? Because I’d like to give you a spin.
60. Spend Christmas Eve with me, and I guarantee Santa won’t be the only one coming.
61. Are you Frosty the Snowman? Because I want to see you dance around in nothing but a hat.
62. Are you an advent calendar? Because I want to reach inside you for a treat.
63. Is your name All Ye Faithful? Because I want you to come.
64. Are you the Polar Express? Because I’d like to ride you.
65. Do you like snow? Because I want to take you back to my place and give you a white Christmas.
66. Is your name Yule? Because looking at you gives me a log.
67. Can I call you Merrily on High? Because I want to see your Ding Dong.
68. Is your name Cindy Lou Who? Because I’d like to sneak into your house while you’re asleep.
69. Is your name Eggnogg? Because I want to spike you.
70. Do you believe in kissing someone under the mistletoe? Because mistletoe is what I named my sheets.
71. Are you a sugarplum? Because you’ve been dancing through my head all night.
72. Is your name Deck the Halls? Because I want you to don me like I was your gay apparel.
73. Is your name Kris Kringle? Because I see you have a full sack.
74. I lost my elf. Would you be the MILF on my shelf?
75. Are you the naughty list? Because I could see myself on you.
76. Do you mind getting run over by the Polar Express? Because my friends and I would like to pull a train on you.
77. Is your name Hanukkah? Because I want to celebrate you for eight nights.
78. I call my bed the one-horse open sleigh: It’s fun to ride in.
79. Trust me, girl, if you give me a chance, I’ll make your legs shake like a bowl full of jelly.
80. Hey baby, wanna help me put the screw back in Scrooge?
81. Are you the song “Baby it’s Cold Outside?” Because I want to talk about how horrible you are in front of my friends and then secretly enjoy you in private.
82. Are you the ghost of Christmas Past? Because I want you to visit me tonight while I’m sleeping.
83. Do you like presents? Because I have a big package for you to unwrap.
Naughty Christmas Knock Knock Jokes Dirty
1.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Nicholas!
Nicholas who?
Knickerless girls shouldn’t climb trees.
2.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Honda.
Honda who?
Honda first day of Christmas my true love sent to me, a partridge in a pear tree.
3.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Jamaican.
Jamaican who?
Jamaican me h*rny.
4.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
@ssh0le!
@ssh0le who!
Open the door and find out, @ssh0le!
5.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
F*ck you said.
F*ck you said who?
“Me!”
6.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
(S*xy voice) Who would you like it to be?
7.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ben.
Ben who?
Ben down and lick my b00ts!
8.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Ivan.
Ivan who?
Ivan to do something naughty with you!
9.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Dewey!
Dewey who?
Dewey have a c*nd*m handy?
10.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Budweiser!
Budweiser who?
Budweiser dirty knock knock jokes so filthy?
Dirty Christmas Jokes Story for a Festive Giggle
Get ready to spread some holiday cheer with a mischievous twist! Our collection of Naughty Christmas Jokes is here to add a touch of laughter to your festive celebrations. These humorous gems are perfect for those who enjoy playful naughtiness during the holiday season. Grab your Santa hat, cozy up by the fireplace, and get ready for some giggles to make your Christmas a bit cheekier!
1. Santa’s Stuck Chimney
One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus had a particularly rough time fitting down a narrow chimney. He pushed and squeezed, but he just couldn’t get through. He was getting frustrated when suddenly, from inside the house, he heard a voice say, “Santa, you might want to try entering from the door; you’re at the gym’s emergency exit!”
2. The Elf’s Complaint
One of Santa’s elves was feeling very overworked and underappreciated. So, he decided to go to the North Pole’s HR department and file a complaint. He walked in and said, “I’ve been working here for years, but I never get a promotion. I think Santa’s on the naughty list!” The HR elf replied, “Well, have you tried sitting on his lap and telling him what you want?”
3. The Mistletoe Mishap
At the office Christmas party, Dave had too much eggnog and found himself standing under the mistletoe with his boss, Mr. Johnson. Feeling awkward, Dave said, “I think mistletoe is just a way for your employees to catch you off guard.” Mr. Johnson chuckled and replied, “Dave, you’re absolutely right. That’s why I hang it in my office!”
4. Santa’s Driving Test
Santa Claus was pulled over by a traffic cop while driving his sleigh one snowy Christmas night. The cop asked, “Santa, do you know why I pulled you over?” Santa replied, “No, officer, I have no idea.” The cop grinned and said, “Well, it seems you were going ‘sleigh-ly’ above the speed limit. I’ll let you off with a warning this time, but slow down!”
5. The Reindeer Rebellion
It was a few days before Christmas, and the reindeer were staging a strike. They complained about their workload and demanded better working conditions. Santa listened to their grievances and said, “Alright, I’ll make you a deal. If you can deliver all the presents by yourselves this year, I’ll give you a vacation next Christmas.” The reindeer agreed, but as they took off, Santa muttered, “I should have asked for flying lessons for Christmas!”
6. Santa’s Email Mishap
Santa decided to modernize his workshop by setting up an email system. However, he realized he had made a terrible mistake on Christmas Eve. He accidentally sent the wrong people all the naughty and nice lists. Chaos ensued as people received emails with their own names and lists of good and bad deeds. Santa sighed and said, “Well, it looks like everyone’s getting what they deserve this year!”
7. The Christmas Tree Decorator
Bob was in charge of decorating the Christmas tree this year. He got carried away and covered the tree with so many ornaments and lights that it toppled over. His wife, Mary, walked in and exclaimed, “Bob, what happened to the tree?” Bob grinned, “I guess it couldn’t bear the weight of my Christmas spirit!”
8. The Gift Wrapping Fumble
Mark was known for being terrible at wrapping presents. He took extra care this year, but when his friend received a gift with uneven folds and tape everywhere, he asked, “Mark, did you wrap this or ransom it?”
9. Santa’s Lost Reindeer
Santa was having a hard time finding one of his reindeer, Rudolph. He searched everywhere but couldn’t locate him. Finally, he received a call from the reindeer, “Santa, I found a red-nose job in the classifieds. I thought it might be time for a change!”
10. The Christmas Dinner Mix-Up
A family was sitting down to a delicious Christmas dinner. Just as they were about to dig in, the cat jumped onto the table and started devouring the turkey. Grandma sighed and said, “Well, it looks like we’re having ‘purrkey’ for dinner!”
11. Santa’s Cookie Predicament
Santa had a tough time sticking to his diet during the holiday season. He complained to Mrs. Claus, “I just can’t resist those cookies!” Mrs. Claus replied, “Well, Santa, maybe you should consider dressing up as a salad next year.”
12. The Caroling Mishap
A group of carolers went door to door singing Christmas songs. When they reached one house, the homeowner yelled, “Get off my lawn!” The lead caroler responded, “We’re here to spread joy and cheer!” The homeowner replied, “Well, you’re spreading something, but it’s not joy and cheer!”
13. Santa’s Wish List
Santa Claus was making his list and checking it twice when he realized he’d forgotten to add something. He decided to add a request for a new sleigh since his old one was showing signs of wear and tear. So, he wrote a letter to the North Pole Workshop and mailed it.
A few days later, he received a reply from the workshop, which read: “Dear Santa, thank you for your letter. We regret to inform you that we cannot fulfill your request for a new sleigh this year. However, we can send you a ‘Sleigh-It-Yourself’ kit with easy-to-follow instructions. Happy holidays!”
14. The Elf’s Invention
One Christmas, Santa’s head elf, Jingles, came up with a brilliant idea. He wanted to invent a machine that could wrap presents in seconds and save lots of time in the workshop. Santa was intrigued and gave him the green light to create the machine.
After weeks of hard work, Jingles proudly presented Santa with his invention on Christmas Eve. It was a massive machine with gears, levers, and conveyor belts. Santa was impressed but asked, “How does it work, Jingles?”
Jingles replied, “It’s simple, Santa. Put the present in this slot, press this button, and voilà! The present is wrapped and ready to go!”
Santa decided to give it a try. He placed a present on the conveyor belt, pressed the button, and watched as the machine sprang into action. It was a whirlwind of wrapping paper and ribbons. When it finally stopped, he saw that the present was perfectly wrapped but had also been reduced to half its original size!
Santa chuckled and said, “Well, Jingles, your invention certainly saves time, but I think we might need to work on the ‘size’ of the solution!”
15. Christmas Decoration Mishap
One year, a family decided to go all out with their Christmas decorations. They covered their house in thousands of colorful lights, inflatable Santas, reindeer, and even a sleigh on the roof.
However, on Christmas Eve, disaster struck. A strong gust of wind blew through the neighborhood, and their decorations started flying off. Inflatable Santas soared into the night sky, and the sleigh on the roof began to slide.
Panicking, the family rushed outside to save what they could. They managed to catch and deflate a few Santas, but the sleigh was still sliding dangerously close to the edge.
Just as they were about to give up hope, their neighbor, Mr. Johnson, came to the rescue. He climbed onto the roof and, with the help of a few ropes and some quick thinking, secured the sleigh in place.
The family was relieved and grateful. They thanked Mr. Johnson for saving their Christmas decorations, and he replied with a smile, “No problem at all! I just wanted to ensure Santa had a safe place to land tonight.”
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Bottom Line
Ultimately, Christmas is a special time when we aim to bring others happiness, love, and positivity. Laughter is an important aspect of the holiday season, and these slightly mischievous jokes are meant to be shared in a lighthearted and playful manner.
Whether you’re sharing a good laugh with friends who appreciate this humor or saving these dirty Christmas jokes for more suitable occasions, we hope your holiday season is filled with laughter and warmth that create lasting memories. After all, one of the best gifts we can give is the gift of joy, which can be spread all year round. Wishing you a joyful holiday season!
Luna Miller
I’m Luna Miller, a helpful employee at Loveable. I excel at giving great advice on birthday gifts. I love suggesting memorable experiences like concerts, spas, and getaways. As a reliable and supportive colleague, I’m always there to assist.
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